Out of a sudden, I have this urge to do a short research about the differences between men and women and thus, I came across this article which is rather interesting and informative.
I believe many have heard if not read about this book titled “Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus.” This book generally talks about how different are men as compare to women and how one party should understand the other party so as to not have any misunderstanding.
In this world that we are leaving in now is rather stressful and pressured. No matter whom we talk to or what we watch, we’ll never fail to hear or watch scene about divorces and break ups. Have you ever wonder why? I believe that in every relationship, there’ll be rubbing shoulder due to different perspective and ideas and often couple will argue over whose thinking is right. It happens in my relationship too but that is not what I’m going to tell you.
What is the reason for the argument? I came to an understanding that men and women think, act and reason differently. What will each gender do when they are facing stress or problem in their relationship?
[Ray] When men are under stress, we generally distract ourselves with various activities to relax. That’s why you see so many men head for the nearest basketball hoop or bury themselves in the paper or TV. But there’s another aspect of the way we handle severe stress that can be particularly frustrating to women who don’t understand the way we are: a man withdraws into his “cave.” We need to be apart from everybody else while we figure out our problems alone. Remember, a man is very self-reliant and competitive, and to ask for help is weakness, so he will first want to solve the problem by himself.
[Sue] We women handle stress in the exact opposite way, which of course is going to pose major problems until we understand this difference! When we’re stressed, we get more involved with other people. We want to talk about what’s upsetting us, because we process information and feelings by putting them into words. But merely talking is only half of it; we talk in order to be heard and understood. Having a good listener on the other end is extremely important. No wonder there is such misunderstanding when people are under stress: as a friend of ours put it, “Men head for their cave, and women head for the back door!”
Men and women approach problems with similar goals but with different considerations. While men and women can solve problems equally well, their approach and their process are often quit different. For most women, sharing and discussing a problem presents an opportunity to explore, deepen or strengthen the relationship with the person they are talking with. Women are usually more concerned about how problems are solved than merely solving the problem itself. For women, solving a problem can profoundly impact whether they feel closer and less alone or whether they feel distant and less connected. The process of solving a problem can strengthen or weaken a relationship. Most men are less concerned and do not feel the same as women when solving a problem.
Men approach problems in a very different manner than women. For most men, solving a problem presents an opportunity to demonstrate their competence, their strength of resolve, and their commitment to a relationship. How the problem is solved is not nearly as important as solving it effectively and in the best possible manner. Men have a tendency to dominate and to assume authority in a problem solving process. They set aside their feelings provided the dominance hierarchy was agreed upon in advance and respected. They are often distracted and do not attend well to the quality of the relationship while solving problems.
This is one of the examples that I abstracted. Many a time men and women do not understand one another and expect each to follow their way. Knowing that each gender is different from another, this way of thinking is not right and it will not work. If one were to ask any counselor to solve their relationship problem, the counselor will often advise both to communicate their needs and thinking with one another. One needs to understand the other gender differences in order to solve things wisely. Communications do not come one way but both ways. When one speaks, the other must respond and not just mere listening. Do not have the habit of keeping things in the heart else one day it’ll explode.
Sue Bohlin from Probe mentioned that women need to talk when comes to problem and when times men don’t listen, women often seek the counsel of their girlfriends. A note to all, when we seek consultation, always looks for a mutual person who has no hard feelings to the other party else the advice will not be fair and just. A mutual person can see from both parties point of view and give a good advice in which both can compromise.
Having said the differences of men and women in terms of problem solving and next what are the needs of men and women?
Probe Ministry:
[Ray] A man’s primary need is for respect. There are a lot of elements involved in respect, which he needs both from his peers and from the significant women in his life: trust, acceptance, appreciation, admiration, approval, and encouragement. A man needs to know he’s respected. He also needs to be needed.
[Sue] Just as a man needs to be respected, we primarily need to be cherished. Cherishing means giving tender care, understanding, respect, devotion, validation, and reassurance. We need to know others think we’re special. And just as a man needs to be needed, we need to be protected. That’s why security is so important to us. A man needs to be able to provide, and a woman needs to feel provided for.
Knowing the need of men and women help each gender to serve one another better. It’s human nature that both men and women are prideful and selfish. This is the reason why that we should die to self before we are confidence to ask for the hand for marriage. If one is not willing to sacrifice for the other, it is better to live alone than to cause the other party to suffer.
PS: read more about probe ministry and start knowing and loving each other like never before. Love is about keeping the fire of passion burning each day. Never stop falling in love because when you stop falling in love, you will fall out of love. Love is new everyday. Do not treat each day the same and make life full of surprises. Above all, commit your relationship to the Lord. A Christ centered relationship is a blessed relationship.
